What have I been doing?

Well...that's a good question!  I don't even know what I've been doing.  I guess a whole lot of nothing since the holidays and vacations are over.  I am disappointed in myself for not blogging since before Thanksgiving.  I guess I've been enjoying my time at home.  Just trying to get through this Winter really.  We did have a very nice Christmas and awesome vacation in Maui.  However, since we've been back I have had little motivation to do anything.  I really enjoy working the three days a week I work and love being home the rest...but I'm sure lacking motivation to do anything else. 

I feel pretty stuck lately when I think about the grieving process and losing my mom.  I don't think I've really moved forward in a long time.  It's just easy to keep doing what I'm doing and everyone else seems to do the same.  But I think that's why I haven't had much motivation.  It's almost been harder this second year without her.  Everyone just goes on doing their thing, but I don't feel like I can.  The first year I had to be so tough in order to get through all the "firsts".  But now, I feel like it really has hit that she's not coming back and it is time to move forward. That's almost harder to face.  Julie and I are going to our church's women's retreat in a couple weeks and I am really looking forward to it.  I think it will be good to be around other women of faith who are struggling with every day things and also learn how they get through the hard things.  I will try to blog a lot more than I have been.  I have to go all the way back to Almira's birthday, through Christmas and Hawaii...so it will take some time.  I never know how to end my blogs so I always look in my Jesus Calling book.  Today's couldn't have related any more.  Isn't that neat?

January 31 "Jesus Calling"
I am your strength and shield.  I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed.  I also provide the strength you need each step of the way.  Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what's on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with Me.  My power flows freely into you through our open communication.  Refuse to waste energy worrying, and you will have strength to spare.
Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am your shield.  But unlike inanimate armor, I am always alert and active.  My presence watches over you continually, protecting you from both known and unknown dangers.  Entrust yourself to My watchcare, which is the best security system available.  I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.