Today

Leading up to today I really wasn't feeling much at all.  It's hard to believe it's been two years since I saw my mom.  I don't like that it's already been that long.  Looking at my sister Joelle's blog post this morning, I could do nothing but cry-something I haven't done in a really long time.  It feels good to cry about my mom.  But it made me really sad too and miss her so much.  I don't really even know what else to say today.  I just wish she was here.  I would do anything for that.  My dad and my sisters and I are all really strong.  I am so proud of that.  But today we don't have to be.  Today it is ok to cry, remember her and miss her.   We will never forget that day and will think about her every day until we can see her again in Heaven.  I am so thankful for so many happy years with my mom.  These pictures are just a glance at all the fun she always was.

Restored in Heaven

I've been wanting to blog for a long time, but always feel like I don't have anything concrete to say.  This time of year brings a ton of emotions.  My whole life I have looked forward to spring and the new beauty and feeling of fresh things all around.  But this has changed in the last two years.  I look forward to getting through it.  And this year that is all I am trying to do.  With Adam working 7 nights a week, it's not making this time any easier for me.  I reflect on what we were doing two years ago.  Driving down to the University Hospital in anticipation of bringing mom home.  Then bringing her home on my birthday.  It was ironic because Lisa and I were born at University Hospital exactly 24 years to the day that we would bring my mom home from that very same hospital. 

I am missing my mom so much right now.  She was always there for me when nobody else could be.  We spent so much time together and I am really feeling that void right now, while Adam is working all the time and it's just me and Almira at home.  I am thankful I have Almira and a new baby due in October :)  But that is wearing my down as well.  I am thankful I have my sisters, but as much as we want to be there for each other, it is so hard because we are all so busy with our kids and just getting through this time too. 

I've just been feeling really defeated and depleated this week.  I was reminded in church to set my focus on the Lord.  Not the tasks I have to get done, not my goals for myself, but just focus on Him.  The easy road is not always the right road.  He will not give me anything I cannot handle.  I have to remember this!

On a lighter note, this week is the week before Easter.  Today is Palm Sunday.  I really enjoy this week!  I am determined to make it good and remember what this week is all about.  I instantly think of my mom being restored in Heaven.  And the promise that we too, will be restored in Heaven.  If it wasn't for Jesus dying on the cross, she would not be in Heaven as beautiful as I know she is.  I have seen her a couple times in my dreams lately.  She is always radiant and her eyes are the bluest blue you could imagine.  She is usually in bright white.  I love to think of her this way.

Jesus Calling, April 1st
I am calling you to a life of constant communion with me.  Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life.  You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted.  But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.  Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.
Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings.  Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me.  A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day.  Do not let your to-do list become an idol directing your life.  Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment.  He will keep you close to Me.