I've been finding myself remembering a lot about what was happening this time last year. I've been doing pretty good for the most part, but then I think about what we were doing a year ago. My sisters and I were planning my mom's birthday party. We wanted it to be special for her with some of her close friends. She really wasn't sure that she wanted to celebrate at all, but I am so glad we did. We didn't realize it would be one of the last times her friends would get together with her, and the last birthday we would ever celebrate with her.
We weren't only celebrating her birthday. We thought this was the beginning of her healing. Treatments were done and my sisters and I were looking forward to getting back to normal. I couldn't wait to do all the things we used to do. Shopping, going on walks, planning opening day fishing at Silver Lake. But the week after her birthday she started feeling worse. All these things went out the window. I really don't even know where my emotions and thoughts are going with this. But I just keep thinking about this time last year. It was like someone was saying "haha, you have no clue what's going to happen". Because really, we didn't.
I can honestly say I've come a long way in these last 10 months...but I feel like I have a long way to go still. I miss my mom so much. There is so much I wish I could ask her and so much that has happend in the last ten months that I've really needed her here for. I am ready for more healing. I know God has been so good to me and I know I wouldn't be where I am spiritually if it wasn't for my mom. I can remember last year I put a post on facebook saying something about being ready for a new season and happy things...I am really hesitant to wish for something like that again, but I know that as long as I let God do what he is going to do and have faith in him, everything will be ok.
This is why I haven't posted in a long time. I never really know where my posts are going to end up. But I always feel better in the end. Well Adam and I are both off work today, so hopefully we can go do something fun. It's been a long time and we both really need it. I haven't been taking many pictures lately, even with my new fancy camera, but I'll try to find one to complete this.
