Black "rainbow" Friday

I haven't posted for a while.  I just haven't had anything worthy of writing, or so I feel.  It's been a long week of just feeling blah.  Not really knowing what to feel or how I feel.  I haven't even been able to explain it, which is rare for me!

Thanksgiving was bittersweet.  We spent the morning at home as a little family and then went to Adam's parents for a low key dinner.  It was really nice, but I was just really missing my family.  I am so thankful for Adam's family though.  His sisters and mom are so good to me and take such good care of me.  Not to mention they are a ton of fun!

Lisa and I decided we would go shopping the day after.  We got a somewhat early start at 6:45.  It was so good to spend time with her.  We were tired, but we were excited to shop.  On the way in to Bellingham we couldn't help but think of last year's Thanksgiving.  We had a huge dinner at my parent's house and we had so much to be thankful for.  Mom was feeling ok that day and we sat down to dinner and my dad prayed.  We had so much hope and so much thanks.  I will never forget that dinner as long as I live.

So after some tears and laughing and just wondering why, we went to Target.  This was our mom's favorite store.  We always went to Target with her.  The whole morning Lisa and I kept saying, "this is what mom would do" or  "mom would just say get it!"  It was nice to remember her this way, but so sad to not have her there with us.  But, after we got our shopping done at Target and got through the crazy crowd, we decided to bring our stuff out to the car and continue shopping.  We walked outside and saw a rainbow.  I think anyone who has ever lost someone knows that a rainbow has so much meaning.  We looked at each other and both thought, there's mom.  It was a feeling of peace that was very welcomed after missing her so much.

This holiday season is going to be really hard for my family.  But God continues to give peace and strength and I will rely on him to get me through.  I am thankful that I can go through this holiday season with a different perspective than I have ever had. 

Last year's Thanksgiving table.  For some reason at the time, I really wanted to remember this.

She always had a special activity for the grandkids.  She helped them make gingerbread houses.

Pieces of Her

I wasn't planning on blogging.  I feel like I don't have the energy, but I just got home from Bunco and have lots of thoughts going through my head.  We have been doing bunco for years with my aunts and cousins on my mom's side of the family.  Anyway, I am always emotional afterwards lately.  Tonight I just kind of sat back and took everything in.  While doing this, I was able to see little pieces of my mom in all of my aunts.  It made me really happy.  They probably don't even realize all of the little things she has left with them.  All the things that remind my sisters and me of her.  These little things that help us to feel her comfort.  My cousin told a joke that my mom always used to say.  It's the one where she says "do you want to see my new mouse tattoo?"  And then says "oh shoot my pussy must have ate it"  It felt so good to laugh about this!  My mom told this joke so good,  you almost believed that she had a real mouse tattoo.  Anyway...I was just glad to be able to see a little bit of my mom tonight.  I love my aunts and cousins so much.  They don't realize how much joy they bring.  I am so thankful God reveals things like this.  So often I pray for her presence and any little thing that would be so obvious she is here. But then I get to see her like I did tonight and know that God gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

She would hate me for posting this, but this was her telling my dad she pierced her belly button :) lol! with a fish hook (we were joking)

This is one of my favorite pictures of my mom. She made anything fun.

Fall Fun

I've been trying to consume myself with fun things this Fall.  Mostly because things just don't feel as fun without my mom.  After watching the fun things she did with the other grandkids the last five years, it has been really bittersweet doing all the same things this year for the first time with Almira.  My sisters and I all try really hard just to keep going and do the things she would do.  It's a really hard thing to do.  But God continues to give us strength to ease the pain just a little.  The above picture is after we got done carving pumpkins with Gerb (Andrea) and Justin and Ashlie.  It was a lot of fun and Gerb's house on Front Street is so cute!

Despite these feelings, I have managed to have some fun this fall.  I was determined to make Almira a halloween costume.  About a month ago I decided she would be an Owl.  She has such big brown curious eyes and I thought she would make the cutest owl!  I'm not crafty at all...but Gerb (adam's sister) and I went to Michaels and got feathers and felt and glue.  As long as I could remember my mom NEVER bought us a halloween costume.  It was either handmade, hand-me-down or borrowed.  I don't think Adam was convinced that I could do it.  But last Thursday night after Almira had gone to bed, I sat down with a glass of wine and got busy.  I am so proud of what I accomplished.  Adam was too!

So we dressed up and headed out to trick or treat at a few houses.  We only made it to Julie, Joelle's and Gramma Tuesday's, but we had fun.  Adam dressed up as a caveman/jesus/butt rocker? (who knows!) We threw it together last minute.  I was a witch and Adam's sister Ashlie was an Indian (which really isn't a stretch) Ashlie being an Indian, not me being a witch! :)  Anyway we stopped at Rob and Joelle's to visit their Halloween party.  Much to our surprise Rob and Jason were dressed up too!  It's fun to get dressed up with the kids.  We may have to make it a tradition. 

On Halloween day after having a nice breakfast at home with my dad,  Adam and I got some yardwork done and then headed down to the river for a weenie roast with my dad.  Being at the river together is just something we all enjoy.  It's really therapeutic in a way.  It was a perfect way to end the weekend. 

Well I've really been enjoying my Thursdays at home with Almira.  I'm really going to miss them come January when I have to go back to full time :(  Today I took Ruger to the vet.  It was a challenge!  Holding a baby on one hip and the leash with a hyperactive dog at the end.  Yikes!  Here's a picture of him though, he is so cute!

Well I'm off to clean my dad's house.  We'll see how that goes.  It's a weird feeling.  I'll try to post again soon.  I'm working on getting all my jumbled thoughts into a blog post.  It's hard to do.  I want to get all my feelings down, but when I go to do it I just don't know how to explain them.  Hopefully it gets easier with time.  For now this is what you get.  Hope you enjoy!