feels like a lifetime

Like usual we have both been busy with work and life.  I struggle every day trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing by working full time.  At this point, I really don't have any other choice and I trust that this is what God has planned for me right now.  Tonight I was having a hard time.  I haven't even wanted to make dinner lately.  I've really  been slacking in that area.  I think I just about gave Adam a heart attack when I told him I made meat loaf, potatoes and corn for dinner.  He was pretty excited to hear that after working a 13 hour day!  Him being that excited about meat loaf made it all worth it.  I have a happy family and that is all that matters at the end of the day!

I have been anxious about the month of April for a really long time.  The last few weeks have been filled with my birthday, easter and most importantly the year anniversary of my mom.  Not knowing how I was going to feel and anticipating these milestones has been somewhat stressful.  Looking back on the last year is weird.  It's really hard to explain.  Sometimes I think I don't remember any of it and then sometimes it's like it just happened yesterday. 

Facing a year without my mom has been unexplainably hard.  But the hardest part has been getting beyond the year mark.  I feel like now I have to face that she's actually not here.  We went through all the firsts, but now it's the fact that she really isn't here and isn't coming back.  Things will NEVER be the same.  It's crazy how I am just now realizing this.  I mean, I knew that from the beginning, but you don't know how it feels until you're feeling it.  You can feel numb for a while and then sometimes it just hits hard.

I am in a good place despite these feelings. We were able to celebrate Easter by doing all the same traditions we did with my  mom. It's these things and my family that get me through.  I'm sure we all feel the same way.  We all try to be so strong together and keep doing what my mom would have done.  I think it really helps to do these things.  The kids really make it all worth it.  God had a perfect plan for our lives.  He knew we would need these kids.  They are awesome and I am so thankful! 

I continue to trust that God's plan is working perfectly for my life.  I will try my best to give it up to Him because that is all I can do.