As always, where has the time gone? These last few weeks have been really busy, not that I'm expecting it to be any different. We're no strangers to a hectic "on the go" life. But we choose it, so I am not complaining. We have been blessed with Adam working another turn-around for Matrix. This included 12 hr days, 7 days a week. He works so hard for us and we are so looking forward to our vacation to Maui in December! Plus, the turn around is over!
I've been busy hosting this and that. I hosted a shower for a friend from work, a bbq for Adam's cousin who is moving, and then bunco last night with my friends. This forced us to get some major spring cleaning done. Last week after Adam got home from working 12 hour days, he helped me in the yard and in the house. We organized and weeded, etc. But I am so happy we got this all done. Sometimes it takes hosting things to get your house the way you want it!
Amidst all the work, we try to find time for ourselves. I am so thankful we are able to pamper ourselves a little bit! Adam got me (us) a couples massage at Semiahmoo for mother's day (thanks to Rob!). So last Saturday night after Adam got home from work, we went out to Semiahmoo and enjoyed an hour couple's massage. It was so nice!!! I highly recommend it! We weren't sure if we were going to stay out there or not, but since Adam's parents were able to watch Almira over night, we decided to take full advantage. So we went for a delicious dinner at Packer's and decided to get a hotel room. Sleeping in until 9 am on a Sunday morning after our hectic week felt so wondeful! You forget how much you need something like this until you actually do it. I am so thankful we were able to get away for a night and take a little break from reality!
I am home today because Almira got sick in the night. Which is actually a blessing in disguise because I think God is saying, "Slow down!" I'm like, Ok! Almira is down for a nap and feeling much better. I really should be packing. We are going away for the long weekend to Lake Roosevelt. I didn't now when I was going to pack, but now I have all day, thank goodness!
I still struggle day to day facing life without my mom. I had a dream the other night with her in it. She wasn't sick and we were just doing normal things. It's nice having these kind of dreams once in a while. Usually they're just the same over and over of us taking care of her or she comes back and she's still sick. I miss her so much. Even though things get a little easier, I still long for the day I get to see her again. Which reminds me! Adam and I took the new member's class at our church. It was so good and we are both really excited to join. This is something my mom would be so proud of. Adam didn't grow up a christian and he started going to church with me and my mom when we were in high school. It's a special bond that the three of us had. In the class we were asked why we wanted to join and when we became christians. I was speechless when Adam said it was my mom and I who had influenced him to make the choice to become a christian. This is something I prayed for since I met Adam. I am so excited to take this step as a family and I know my mom will be so proud!
Well I better go pack! Maybe next time I'll have pictures to share of our weekend away. Hopefully with sun in the background and sand in our toes :)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
feels like a lifetime
Like usual we have both been busy with work and life. I struggle every day trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing by working full time. At this point, I really don't have any other choice and I trust that this is what God has planned for me right now. Tonight I was having a hard time. I haven't even wanted to make dinner lately. I've really been slacking in that area. I think I just about gave Adam a heart attack when I told him I made meat loaf, potatoes and corn for dinner. He was pretty excited to hear that after working a 13 hour day! Him being that excited about meat loaf made it all worth it. I have a happy family and that is all that matters at the end of the day!
I have been anxious about the month of April for a really long time. The last few weeks have been filled with my birthday, easter and most importantly the year anniversary of my mom. Not knowing how I was going to feel and anticipating these milestones has been somewhat stressful. Looking back on the last year is weird. It's really hard to explain. Sometimes I think I don't remember any of it and then sometimes it's like it just happened yesterday.
Facing a year without my mom has been unexplainably hard. But the hardest part has been getting beyond the year mark. I feel like now I have to face that she's actually not here. We went through all the firsts, but now it's the fact that she really isn't here and isn't coming back. Things will NEVER be the same. It's crazy how I am just now realizing this. I mean, I knew that from the beginning, but you don't know how it feels until you're feeling it. You can feel numb for a while and then sometimes it just hits hard.
I am in a good place despite these feelings. We were able to celebrate Easter by doing all the same traditions we did with my mom. It's these things and my family that get me through. I'm sure we all feel the same way. We all try to be so strong together and keep doing what my mom would have done. I think it really helps to do these things. The kids really make it all worth it. God had a perfect plan for our lives. He knew we would need these kids. They are awesome and I am so thankful!
I continue to trust that God's plan is working perfectly for my life. I will try my best to give it up to Him because that is all I can do.
I have been anxious about the month of April for a really long time. The last few weeks have been filled with my birthday, easter and most importantly the year anniversary of my mom. Not knowing how I was going to feel and anticipating these milestones has been somewhat stressful. Looking back on the last year is weird. It's really hard to explain. Sometimes I think I don't remember any of it and then sometimes it's like it just happened yesterday.
Facing a year without my mom has been unexplainably hard. But the hardest part has been getting beyond the year mark. I feel like now I have to face that she's actually not here. We went through all the firsts, but now it's the fact that she really isn't here and isn't coming back. Things will NEVER be the same. It's crazy how I am just now realizing this. I mean, I knew that from the beginning, but you don't know how it feels until you're feeling it. You can feel numb for a while and then sometimes it just hits hard.
I am in a good place despite these feelings. We were able to celebrate Easter by doing all the same traditions we did with my mom. It's these things and my family that get me through. I'm sure we all feel the same way. We all try to be so strong together and keep doing what my mom would have done. I think it really helps to do these things. The kids really make it all worth it. God had a perfect plan for our lives. He knew we would need these kids. They are awesome and I am so thankful!
I continue to trust that God's plan is working perfectly for my life. I will try my best to give it up to Him because that is all I can do.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Life gets in the way
I know, it's been over a month since I blogged last. It's hard to even say why. My computer has been down and I feel like I've been down with it. I don't really know why. There's always a reason, but not a particular one that comes to mind.
I don't have a lot of "spare" time. It's something I really wish I had lately. But at the same time, I feel that if I did have that spare time I'd be thinking of everything else. But who am I kidding...I've been thinking of it anyway. Mostly I've been reminded of what was happening last year.
I was a mom to a beautiful 3 month old girl. Adam's dad was in the hospital and my mom was in the hospital. We really had no grasp on anything at that point. I felt like everything was spinning out of control and it only kept going.
I'm in a hard place now too. The other night I was doing dishes and I looked outside to the sun hiding behind the clouds and I saw the trees in the yard covered in shade a certain way, instantly I was reminded of Spring, to me, the time I lost my mom. There's so many emotions that come with this time of year. Mostly of loss and sadness. The last time I ever had a real conversation with my mom was in a hospital room. I will never forget the words...too special to share.
It's just hard. There's a lot going on in my mind and I'm sure my sister's and my dad's mind's too. It's not easy but we find happiness in the little things. The things that my Mom would have enjoyed.
Tonight I got to enjoy some alone time. Adam and my dad went fishing for the weekend. Time I'm sure both of them need. Then tomorrow I get to go to Seattle with some girlfriends and stay the night. Almria gets to have a slumber party with her gramma. That time, I am so thankful for! She is one lucky girl! Anwyay, I really am looking forward to getting away from things for a night. I think it is much needed for the month ahead.
I really wish I had pictures to share...but with my computer crashing went all my pictures from the last year... I will try to post some next time and not be so blah... Until then, this is what you get. I do have to remind you...God has been doing a lot. I am so thankful for what he has placed in my life over the last little bit. I was able to read "Heaven is for Real" and let me tell you , I feel so much more at peace knowing and believing my Mom is sitting with Jesus. Please read it if you haven't already. I have a lot going on in this head of mine... I hope I can keep sharing, its just not always easy.
I don't have a lot of "spare" time. It's something I really wish I had lately. But at the same time, I feel that if I did have that spare time I'd be thinking of everything else. But who am I kidding...I've been thinking of it anyway. Mostly I've been reminded of what was happening last year.
I was a mom to a beautiful 3 month old girl. Adam's dad was in the hospital and my mom was in the hospital. We really had no grasp on anything at that point. I felt like everything was spinning out of control and it only kept going.
I'm in a hard place now too. The other night I was doing dishes and I looked outside to the sun hiding behind the clouds and I saw the trees in the yard covered in shade a certain way, instantly I was reminded of Spring, to me, the time I lost my mom. There's so many emotions that come with this time of year. Mostly of loss and sadness. The last time I ever had a real conversation with my mom was in a hospital room. I will never forget the words...too special to share.
It's just hard. There's a lot going on in my mind and I'm sure my sister's and my dad's mind's too. It's not easy but we find happiness in the little things. The things that my Mom would have enjoyed.
Tonight I got to enjoy some alone time. Adam and my dad went fishing for the weekend. Time I'm sure both of them need. Then tomorrow I get to go to Seattle with some girlfriends and stay the night. Almria gets to have a slumber party with her gramma. That time, I am so thankful for! She is one lucky girl! Anwyay, I really am looking forward to getting away from things for a night. I think it is much needed for the month ahead.
I really wish I had pictures to share...but with my computer crashing went all my pictures from the last year... I will try to post some next time and not be so blah... Until then, this is what you get. I do have to remind you...God has been doing a lot. I am so thankful for what he has placed in my life over the last little bit. I was able to read "Heaven is for Real" and let me tell you , I feel so much more at peace knowing and believing my Mom is sitting with Jesus. Please read it if you haven't already. I have a lot going on in this head of mine... I hope I can keep sharing, its just not always easy.
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